Positive Parenting
At Memorial Middle School, we believe that parent involvement makes the difference. Our goal is to be a resource for parents to help their children succeed. Check this site periodically for helpful and timely articles that will provide practical advice on a variety of topics.
Working With Your School – Work on your relationship with your child’s teachers
Working with your child’s school is all about forming relationships. And some of the most important are the ones you forge with his teachers. By connecting with your child’s teachers, you’ll stay informed about what’s going on in school.
Here’s how to do it:
- Get to know them. Attend parent-teacher conferences and other events. Talk to your child’s teachers about their expectations. Let them know yours. If those expectations differ, find common ground.
- Volunteer. Teachers always appreciate extra sets of hands. If you can help out during class, great. But if you can’t, don’t assume you have nothing to offer. Talk to your child’s teachers about how else you might pitch in. Can you chaperone a field trip? Sign up well in advance. Is your only free time in the evening? Devote one night each month to doing something to support a time-strapped teacher.
- Show your appreciation. Teachers may not seek praise, but they’ll likely enjoy it. Let the science teacher know how much you value her creativity. Thank the math teacher for helping your struggling student.
- Be reasonable. Teachers are human. They work hard and are often under lots of pressure. Don’t expect perfection. And remember: Teachers don’t control the curriculum.
Reprinted with permission from the January 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: “Working with Your Child’s School,” The University of Toronto Family Care Office, www.library.utoronto.ca/equity/familycare/parenting/features_arch_working_with_child’s_school.html#b.
Transitions – Do a mid-year check to see how your child adjusts
By this point in the year, your child has probably settled in well to middle school. Still, your involvement remains as important as ever.
Here are some things to check with your child:
- Assignments. Is he on top of assignments? Does he complete them on time?
- Social issues. Has he made friends he can count on? Does he need help making friends?
- Stress. The size and demands of middle school create stress for many students at first. Is stress a problem for your child?
If your child is in eighth grade and is looking ahead to high school, he will face some of the same issues he faced when going to middle school. He will likely be in a bigger school, with more teachers and students. He will also have more responsibility.
Some specific issues for high school include:
- Choosing courses and setting your own schedule.
- More difficult coursework, with homework to match.
- Complex research reports that take longer to complete.
- More exposure to peers who engage in risky behavior.
Reprinted with permission from the January 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Caren Cramer, “School Transitions,” Child Guide Magazine, www.childguidemagazine.com/article_detail.asp?id=16.
Motivating Your Child – Don’t let your child develop ‘learned helplessness’
A child who has had several failures in a row is at risk of refusing to even try a new or slightly challenging task. This is called “learned helplessness”—in which a child’s first decision is not to start the task, or even look at the task, but to avoid the task because it will be impossible for her.
This is devastating for a child. Here are some things you can to do help your child guard against learned helplessness:
- Focus on the positive. This includes trying your best and making improvements.
- Do easier work first. Students are often told to do harder work first, to get it out of the way. But a child can gain self-confidence by finishing an easy task.
- Help your child find which way she learns best. Does she need to move around? Does making pictures or graphs help? Does it help to record herself reading and play it back?
- Watch what you say. Sarcasm or labels such as “lazy” never help. But they may hurt—a lot.
- Be careful with rewards. Most of the time, your child’s reward should be the feeling she has done her best. Treat your child once in awhile, but save it for when she put in top effort.
Reprinted with permission from the January 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: “Motivation: One of the Keys to Academic Success,” Learning Times, LDA Learning Center.
Discipline – Gain respect by enforcing consequences with your child
Most children will talk and beg for hours rather than accept the consequences for their actions. Your job is to cut the talk and start the action. Children respect parents who mean what they say and then follow through.
Remember these tips when giving and enforcing consequences:
- Keep it real. Are you really going to ground him for three months? If you know in your heart that “three months” really means “the next two weekends,” then just make it the next two weekends. Realistic consequences are always better than harsh, empty threats.
- Don’t worry if your child gets angry at you. This is a child’s last resort when a parent won’t back down. He’ll calm down soon enough.
- Don’t give in to guilt. Many children turn the parent into the “bad guy.” Others try a tactic that can make a parent feel even worse. They turn it on themselves. Remember, you still have to enforce the consequence.
Reprinted with permission from the January 2006 issue of Parents Still make the difference!® (Middle School Edition) newsletter. Copyright © 2006 The Parent Institute®, a division of NIS, Inc. Source: Elaine M. Gibson, “Begging and Pleading for Mercy—Don’t Fall for It,” The Challenge of Parenting, www.elainegibson.net/parenting/pleading.html.